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(CNN)I delight in finding the perfect gift for a loved one and experience joy in thoughtful personal purchases. But I bristle against spending for the sake of spending, especially for manufactured "holidays" like Black Friday.
Decisions about dollars are complicated. "The consumer dilemma is the idea that the planet clearly needs us to reduce our consumption, but our economy needs us to consume more and more every year," said James MacKinnon, author of "The Day the World Stops Shopping: How Ending Consumerism Saves the Environment and Ourselves."
The pandemic revealed how vulnerable our economic system is to any kind of disturbance in people's appetite to shop, MacKinnon noted. "We have created a system that is dependent on us acting as consumers. It's almost as though it limits our freedoms to choose how we want to live and determines what our social role will be."
There may be financial circumstances that drive a person's need to make purchases on big sale days, but if you experience the financial freedom that allows you to spend, you might even be happier if you don't buy anything on Black Friday. Here are some realities to consider:
Acknowledge that biology is in play
If you are feeling bad about compulsive spending habits, you are not alone.
"One thing about Black Friday that makes it even more pernicious is that not only can shopping release dopamine in the brain's reward pathways — hence becoming potentially addictive — it also manipulates the social herd source of dopamine," shared Dr. Anna Lembke, psychiatrist and author of "Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence."
Lembke, who refers to smartphones as the modern-day hypodermic needle that delivers digital dopamine 24/7, noted that when people feel they belong to a tribe and share experiences and emotions with other people, dopamine is released.
"That feeling of oneness or immersion is a huge source of dopamine and also serotonin," Lembke said. She noted that these primitive brain circuits can get in the way of the prefrontal cortex's ability to make rational decisions, such as realizing you can't afford to spend the money you are spending.
Shop with intention
If you are looking for a different tribe, an intention-based shopping herd exists.
I recently asked on Instagram Stories whether people were opting out of Black Friday shopping and if they were doing something else instead. Many people shared that they were choosing different ways to shop this holiday season.
Carolyn Kornwitz of Boston wrote that she is opting out of Black Friday and any sale shopping altogether. "I'm going to source the majority, if not all, gifts for the kids from my local Buy Nothing Facebook group, as well as secondhand stores."
Others shared that they were focused on supporting local businesses, independent sellers on Etsy, or putting their maker skills to use. "My pandemic hobby is knitting so everyone is getting ornate hand-knit items!" wrote Anna Brakeman of Madison, Wisconsin.
MacKinnon agreed that all spending is not created equal. "There are definitely better and worse ways to consume. Support smaller scale businesses, particularly ones that don't have shareholders to answer to ... when you spend your money, spend it in your local community thoughtfully on products that will be meaningful to you or whoever you are giving to."
Counteract overconsumption with people and experiences
Overconsumption can result from people trying to escape their circumstances, a tactic that is understandable but ultimately doesn't work, Lembke noted. "A potential antidote is to do the opposite and deeply immerse ourselves in our lives."
"If we really turn towards our lives everything becomes more interesting. When we reinvest in relationships and experiences, we create new energy and new meaning and it becomes transcendent," Lembke said.
Indeed, many people shared that they were bypassing Black Friday shopping and opting for connection time in the form of hikes with family or friends, epic games of tag, pickleball, tennis, cycling, or relaxed time at home.
Others shared that they are getting into the holiday spirit through activities such as Christmas tree trimming and experiences like "The Nutcracker" at The Kennedy Center in Washington, DC. "My parents are in town for Thanksgiving this year. We bought tickets to a nature walk/light show at Crystal Bridges, which is an art museum near us," shared Liz Fernandez of Fayetteville, Arkansas.
Think back to lessons from last year
Evidence for non-consumerist holiday contentment may come from your own memories.
"Last year forced us to opt out of the traditional Thanksgiving thing and got us thinking this year about how we actually wanted to spend those four days off together," wrote Kaci Lint of Mesa, Arizona. Given that she has five children, Lint noted that material items get overwhelming quickly. This Thanksgiving, her family is intentionally choosing experiences over things by traveling to camp out and watch the sunrise over the sand dunes in Utah.
MacKinnon is eager for people to shift back to the mindset that it's enough to spend time together and concentrate on making that time a rich experience.
"Last Christmas everyone wished they could just be together; that would have been more than enough," he said. In contrast, he noted that this season people feel like company alone is inadequate and they need to show up with armloads of gifts.
People are capable of change
One of the most dramatic and surprising observations amid the pandemic to MacKinnon was how quickly people found their way from a consumerism value system to a new value set centered on relationships, experiences and skill building.
"What we saw as people moved into quarantine and lockdown was that they turned towards other values really quickly. People reached out to old friends they had lost touch with. They were bird watching, mastering new skills, planting things. It took a matter of days for people to find their way to a new value set," MacKinnon said.
That said, depending on the circumstances, behavioral change may take longer depending on the severity of their addiction, Lembke noted. "People need to abstain from a behavior long enough for homeostasis in the pleasure-pain system in the brain to be restored. Eventually, people will then be able to take pleasure in more modest rewards," she said.
There is considerable work to be done to figure out the balance of consumerism as it relates to the planet and our economy, but one thing is clear: Our relationships, experiences and well-being are things worth investing in. And we don't need to be held to a day on the calendar or a line around the block to do so.
