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Most students at President Grover Cleveland High School spend their Wednesday lunch periods unwinding in the cafeteria or at local fast-food joints, but a group of about 25 teenage boys sit in a circle and talk about what it means to be a man.
This gathering of the school’s Healthy Masculinity Club meets weekly in a third-floor classroom on campus. While the club has a grown-up adviser, a different student is encouraged to facilitate discussion each session. Over the course of 35 minutes, the young men support each other while they unpack sex, sexuality, gender, girls and more.
The result is a safe space for the boys to talk about feelings, expectations and self-worth.
“For me this club is an affinity group, a place where I can talk about things I don’t talk about anywhere else,” said high school senior Hamza Akalin, 18. “Sharing with guys like me and talking about the toxic aspects of masculinity really has changed my point of view.”
Cleveland’s club typifies a nationwide trend — more than a dozen high schools recently have launched similar clubs to explore and identify a more inclusive approach to manhood.
A kinder, gentler flavor of masculinity is the goal of most of these efforts, which follow curriculum devised by nonprofit organizations. This fresh perspective challenges stereotypes that have existed for generations, according to Justine Ang Fonte, a health and sexuality educator in New York City.
“Masculinity has a beautiful capacity to hold tenderness, quietness and humility as a strength,” she said. “If young men can embrace those parts of their identity, they can let in authenticity for themselves and for others.”
Men need to model being good men
Society doesn’t expect much of men. Six in 10 respondents said people in the United States don’t place enough value on men who are caring, open about their emotions, soft-spoken or affectionate, according to an October 2024 Pew Research Center survey.
Adults need to model this empathetic masculinity, Fonte said, and encourage it in boys so they grow up with more diverse narratives of who they can be personally and professionally.
Richard Reeves, a senior fellow at the Brookings Institution and president of the American Institute for Boys and Men, agreed. Reeves outlined several concerning trends in his 2022 book, “Of Boys and Men: Why the Modern Man is Struggling, Why It Matters, and What to Do About It.”
First, men comprise just over half of the 18- to 24-year-olds in the United States, but they’re outnumbered by women in the nation’s colleges — creating the largest gender gap in the history of American higher education. In addition, mortality from drug overdoses, suicides and alcohol-related illnesses is about four times higher among men than women.
Men are also feeling disconnected. A 2021 study indicated four in 10 women report having received emotional support from a friend within the past week, compared to just over two in 10 men. Some even refer to loneliness among men as an “epidemic.”
“This is a structural problem,” Reeves told CNN in a previous interview. “The result of that is for many men to be struggling.”
A different approach to manhood
Healthy masculinity clubs aim to build a new paradigm from the ground up.
At Cleveland High, club adviser and teacher Brian Fain said the goal was to create a place where young men could form authentic connections, be honest and drop the mask that men and young men often feel obligated to wear.
“There is a gravity that pulls on all men and on them in particular as young men,” said Fain, 48. “We’re challenging myths about what it means to be a real man in today’s world.”
Fain, a chemistry teacher, started the club in 2021. Initially, fewer than a dozen of Cleveland High’s more than 1,400 students participated. This year, interest has grown, and the club, open to all, is averaging about 25 students per session. So far, all the students identify as boys.
During a 35-minute session on any given Wednesday, conversations might focus on distinguishing consent from coercion, how the media reinforces gender norms or how to be an ally and support women by fighting against misogyny.
At a particularly action-packed meeting earlier this fall, students were asked to identify rigid notions about masculinity and write them on the outside of a box. Fain referred to the object as the “man box,” then challenged the boys to ponder the consequences of stepping outside these expectations and blazing a different path.
The group broke into pairs to discuss how they might break out of the box, and what being a man would look like if the box didn’t exist. The session ended with the boys saying in unison, “You are enough.”
Cleveland students reported that participation in the club has changed their perspectives about manhood and made them more compassionate.
Sophomore Ephraim Goodness, 15, said he is less likely to speak or act without thinking about how his words or actions might impact someone else. Senior class president Owen King, 17, added that he now understands the importance of calling out other boys and men for misogyny and toxic behaviors.
“If anyone makes a joke or says something offhandedly, I make a point of saying, ‘That’s part of the harm,’” King said. “It might be uncomfortable to bring it up and talk about it, but that’s good. That means it’s worthwhile. That’s how you make a difference.”
What does it mean to be a man?
Cleveland High School’s Healthy Masculinity Club is based on a curriculum from a national organization named A Call to Men.
This nonprofit, based in Rockville Centre, New York, has a mission to help create a world where men and boys are loving and respectful of others, and where women, girls and those at the margins are valued and safe.
The “Man Box” curricula came from this group. Other exercises do, too.
The point of these activities is to help men understand what it means to be a man. RaKim “RahK” Lash, A Call to Men’s vice president of programs, refers to this as an invitation to reconsider and reimagine how men have been socialized.
“We are seeing conversations happening that maybe we wouldn’t have talked about a few years ago — about loneliness, intimacy and anger,” Lash said.
Lash added that it has been important for school districts to work directly with students to “break out of the cycles of socialization that carry on traditional notions of manhood.”
Another organization, MCSR, has had a similar mission. This group, based in Washington, DC, focuses on men creating cultures free from violence, especially violence against women. (The acronym that doubles as its name used to stand for Men Can Stop Rape.)
Like A Call to Men, MCSR has put together a special curriculum for high schools and middle schools to educate students about a healthier approach to masculinity. The program is called “Men of Strength,” according to Executive Director Neil Irvin. These lessons look at the stories boys and men have been told about what makes someone a “real” man, then they challenge students to come up with new stories of their own.
Over the last 25 years, MCSR facilitators have taught hundreds of teachers at high schools across the country.
At Montpelier High School in Vermont, Latin teacher Joe Carroll incorporates the MCSR curriculum into an elective class titled Healthy Masculinity. The class debuted in the 2022-2023 school year and was open to all students, regardless of gender. Ten students, all identifying as boys, enrolled last year, and the class will be offered again next year.
“This course is a proactive way to create a sense of self among men that leads to positive vibes, rather than unhealthy masculine vibes such as control and dominance,” Carroll said. “Vulnerability is the key to everything. Opening up and sharing makes a big impact.”
The road to becoming a modern man
As modern definitions of manhood evolve, so too does the classroom conversation. A Call to Men and MCSR change regularly, adapting to incorporate current events, new phrases and hot-button issues such as transgender rights.
Carroll, for instance, hopes to have students in his Healthy Masculinity course go into area middle schools and lead proactive circles to share the same messages with younger boys.
Fain has added his own twists, planning a once-a-year symposium that incorporates local women’s rights advocates, local therapists and a representative from A Call to Men. This workshop is open to the entire community, and the last event drew more than 300 people.
The way Fain sees it, these events benefit everyone because of the way they challenge people to consider how they perceive and perpetuate longtime understandings of masculinity.
“Instead of masculinity being a static frame of mind, it’s more of a constant state of reflection on how you move in the world and how it impacts other people — especially those who you’re closest with,” said Fain.
“There are an infinite number of ways to show up as a man in the world. We’re giving these kids the chance to figure out what kind of men they want to be.”
Matt Villano is a writer and editor based in Healdsburg, California.
